Rowbi did not break my heart, he was killed in a tragic spider accident

REGULARS IN THIS POST

It is with great regret that I have to kill off a character. This is a tale of death and one spider’s dream.

Most people do not love spiders, let’s face it. Some people love them and keep them as pets sure but mainly we tend to want to squish them when we see them. Because they are different from us and make us feel uncomfortable.

It seems like humans like things with 4 legs the most (horses, cats, dogs). Then things with 6 legs (ladybugs, ants, bees) are a bit of a mixed bag. 8 legs is 2 legs too many for a good time.

There are some exceptions to the more the legs, the less we like theory. For example raccoons with rabies are less popular than butterflies, slugs aren't adored and centipedes aren’t as scary as fire ants. In general though I think it’s the fact that spiders have so many legs with which to chase me that makes me hate them so much.

Their webs are also a problem for me.

A few years ago I was in Shepparton for a subject at uni. We were going for a bush walk and I had my hair in a bun.

I must have accidentally backed into a spider web. It was as if the bun made a perfect magnet for the web. The web coated my bun within a split second. Like a hairnet.

Over the course of the day, my thoughts about the spider turned me into a nervous wreck. I tried changing my hair into various arrangements but I couldn’t kick the feeling that there were spiders crawling through my hair.

It was a tough time for me.

  

Unexpectedly walking through spiderweb results in you having a sort of arachnileptic fit. You flail around arms waving but to the people around you it looks like you’re responding to nothing at all. You’re just some crazy loon freaking out over the air being too repressive.

My brother once had an arachnileptic fit when after shaving he looked to down at his handtowel to realise that he’d just dried his face on a spider.

So what do spiders have to do with my exboyfriend? Good question!

There was a spider that lived in Rowbi's house and every day this spider would build a web in the corner of his doorway. In the morning I would pop downstairs and out the door no worries. 

Rowbi, being above average height would walk straight through the spiders web and start the morning ritual of blind flailing.

   


Arachnilepsy   

Every night the spider rebuilt his web. It was amazing. Such dedication!

The spider could have given up. His web was being destroyed daily. Rather than just admit that he was attempting the impossible, he set about reconsidering his web design so that he could catch Rowbi. He realised that he had a unique opportunity to catch the largest fly of this life. The big one – the white whale.

And so tragically in 2011, Rowbi was trapped and devoured by a overachieving spider.*

We could mourn him but I think we should also acknowledge the extraordinary efforts of a simple spider with a dream. So there is no need to panic guys, Shelley’s OK.

Smelle

xx

*I may have chosen to remember this event slightly differently to what happened in reality.

P.S.

I have a 'new' man, and by 'new' I mean we've been together for two years. I am too scared to show him to the blogisphere, for I am but afraid that making a paper puppet of your boyfriend is like getting a tattoo of his name – curses your relationship.

Get sensible tattoos people, for the love of god. Get a tattoo of something you know you’ll love forever, like the Tim Tams logo.