CAST OF REGULAR CHARACTERS FEATURED IN THIS POST
As an unemployed member of society, the global financial crisis has not affected me much. I think you were substantially more likely to feel the effects of the changing structure of the economy if you were actually an active participant in it and not already a burden on it as I was.
I hear it’s been a bitch though and one group of people who is has most certainly affected is the baby boomers who are nearing retirement and have noticed a considerable decline in the value of their assets off which they intend to live once they quit their jobs.
Before the crisis:
Some testimonials:
After the crisis:
Some testimonials:
An individual who fits into this category of baby boomers whose net wealth has been affected is my Mum. Mum is probably one of the most intelligent women you’ll meet.
Note: I showed this picture to my mother and she said “the apron is not embarrassing”. So you’ll most certainly understand that where I’m about to go with this is totally true.
Mum quickly realised that if she wanted to continue to provide herself with the lifestyle she deserves she would have to continue to work forever thus rendering the lifestyle she deserves of no value because she won’t have any time to enjoy it. Having said that, Mum is an asset to her industry and when she’s at home with nothing to do for a long period of time she goes a bit more nutty than she usually is so it’s not all bad.
One problem she does face; however, is that she is afraid that if she says at work too long people at her work will begin to view her like this:
I’m young you see and when I was little Mum was already really old in my opinion. As time has continued to pass I fear that she will have only grown older because time tends to age you as time is wont to do. So as far as I’m concerned, Mum is really old. Having said this, I could see that she was feeling a bit down so we decided to go shopping and get her some more modern clothes so that she could look glamourous for all her sales pitches.
So we went shopping in a bunch of older ladies’ shops and Mum tried things on whilst I negotiated with the sales people. Mum and I bickered about where to get coffee and if I had enrolled in uni and what was going to do over the summer and what’s my blog going to be about and why would I spend summer writing a blog and so on. Eventually we returned home with an exhausted credit card, plenty of new clothes in toe, tired but happy that it would be at least six months until we had to do it all again. Mum bought me a little outfit as payment for my styling efforts because I’m gen Y and material things make me happy. I selected a playsuit that looks a bit like I’m wearing PJs but I love it, perhaps because it’s as comfortable as PJs.
Now when Mum goes to work she looks like this:
The real issue here is not that my mother is too old; it’s that my mother isn’t interested in fashion or shopping. I have to go shopping with Mum because if it was up to her she would never go and eventually all her clothes would be so tatty and worn that she’d look like she’d been lost in the desert for an extended period of time. Also if she does go shopping, perhaps for work clothes, she buys two types of things. Either clothes that are comfortable but insanely dull and only draw the eye towards them by being so unflattering or pastel suits and such that make her look like the Queen’s Mother aged 100.
She went to my ex-boyfriend’s 21st dressed as the Queen and I honestly think that she couldn’t have been any happier until I told her that someone asked if she was my grandmother.
So in order for her to look remotely youthful and hip she needs help. Why my mother has no taste is a bit of a mystery because she always tells me stories of when she was young and had cool outfits that she sewed herself. The words ‘hot pants’ have even been mentioned. I’ve decided that things go pear-shaped when mums get pregnant for the first time.
Once you get pregnant you trade in your sense of style for a mum haircut and the joy of the 20+ year commitment to raising the leaders of the future.
Mind you, Mum was pregnant during the 80s so perhaps it was best that she missed out on that fashion experience. Naturally my mother has a mum haircut. Lately she’s been rocking a new look that is equally as mum-like as her previous hair but with one crucial difference… Her hair seems to be asking a question.
Contrary to the lies your French teachers told you, there are only two kinds of questions; happy questions and sad questions.
Eg:
“Did you hear about Jason’s infection spreading to his brain?” (Sad question)
“What is your opinion on the proposed legislation that will enable ice-cream to be tax deductable?” (Happy question)
My mother’s hair is definitely asking a happy question. You would think that this is a good thing but it’s rather misleading. You see sometimes Mum is saying one thing like “I can’t find the dividend statements from the Self-Managed Super Fund’s direct shares, have you seen them?” but instead the hair gives me the impression that she is asking another thing, for example:
In the end I offer to go to the supermarket and buy cockroach baits because as much as I would like to go the pool, the queue for the waterslide is really long now because all the baby boomers can’t afford to go to the opera anymore and have opted for cheaper thrills. This is much to my inconvenience but it’s OK because Shelley’s OK.
Love,
Elle xx
P.S. I'm so glad that after four years of university education I spend my days making paper clothing for dinosaurs.
